This weekend ends a marathon of activity that I think all parents are beginning to identify as pure insanity. Throw in on top of that four birthdays in my immediate family and our anniversary. Someone identified a few May Day celebrations at the beginning of the month as an actual cry for help, “May Day, May Day.” Why yes, between the ribbons and poles, we are all bracing ourselves for the coming weeks. When my dad suggested on Saturday that we should approach a late lunch as “every man for himself,” I thought I would approach every May that way for the foreseeable future. Perhaps that would help make the excessive celebrations more enjoyable.
On Saturday night, I sat down on the couch and instantly fell asleep next to my mom. After my parents left and the kids were settled into a movie, I felt a forgotten urge to do something creative. I pulled out the paint crayons and started drawing. A lot of times, I feel unsatisfied with my drawings. I guess that’s just my internal critic. But this time, I listened along to a podcast while drawing.
I often enjoy “Do It For the Gram,” a podcast about the Enneagram by Milton Stewart, MBA. I especially appreciate the episodes about the 3-6-9 Harmony Triangle, since I am a 9. I find that it is helpful to hear about where I frequently go, either towards my 6 or 3. I am a Social or Counter 9, so I do not always identify with traditional information about 9s.
In this episode, Milton described different ways to focus for growth. For 9s, that’s listening to your body. I am actually very good at that, but perhaps it’s not my first go to. Plus he had a fascinating phrase that popped out at me, like a Lectio Divinia practice: Blend, Not Merge.
Milton described the difference between the two words, which were critical for understanding. To merge is to become enveloped in something and lose yourself. I would describe this as a tomato puree. I feel this lost feeling often. And honestly, when I am in a group dynamic and someone doesn’t give space to others … ever, I ghost. I would much rather work on my own thing. I always have a lengthy list in my planner. Blend is more like a mixing of others, but your key components of yourself are still present. More like a beef vegetable soup. Blending is an opportunity to not get lost in others, but also to bring all of the parts of yourself to the mix. I’m not the best at bringing my full self to the table. In other words, I am great at compartmentalizing, a 3 asset.
When I looked down at the drawing, I saw a mix of abstract, landscapes, and play all present on the page. Perhaps this is a message as I move forward into this next chapter of life. I can bring what it is unique about myself to a project and that includes all parts. And perhaps that is why I am called to do it and not someone else.